Is my Girlfriend an alien?

We’ve all been there right? Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl turns out to be a friggin alien. Yes, even an expert detector like myself has been duped a few times over the years. Yet, I was surprised to discover that, ‘my wife is an extraterrestrial’ never pops up on divorce papers. Why? Well, it seems that some guys are simply too love-drunk to spot the signs that their chick isn’t human. 

For those in denial, Helen Sharman, Britain’s first astronaut said, “aliens exist, there’s no two ways about it,” she went on “it’s possible they’re here right now and we simply can’t see them.” That’s because they craftily look exactly the same as human girls. But don’t worry, I’m here to help and have created this simple 3 step guide to tell if your girlfriend has alien blood:

1. She’s too good for you:

Nobody likes to admit they’re punching, but we’ve all seen them bang average guys with absolute stunners. Men falls for this trick more than any other, so if she looks out of this world, she probably is.

2. She’s always cold:

Maybe she steals all the bed sheets or guilt trips you into giving her your jacket on nights out. These are obvious signs that she’s struggling to deal with Earth’s temperature and is likely to be an ET. 

3. Toilet habits:

Alien girls don’t poo. So, if you’ve been dating over a year and she’s never left behind a floater, it’s time to reactivate your online dating profile.

So, there you have it. If your girl ticks all three boxes, I’m afraid you need to jump ship before she beams you up into hers!